Question:
I have kind of a complex problem here. Just to warn you this is
quite long.
ok, at the age of 30 I've just had my first sexual experience
(don't ask, long story. But in short, personal problems I've had
to carry my whole life and that I finally recently have been
able to deal with). During this whole time, I've masturbated
regularly and I just never imagined that the first time it would
happen with a women that I would have problems in that area but
I did.
My first time went like this. She knew it was my first time so
we tried a bunch of stuff. Oral sex on each other among other
stuff (up until then everything was fine), and finally she asked
if I wanted to try. I said yeah. So she started jerking me off
while I was reaching for a condom. It took probably around a
minute to reach what I thought was a sufficient erection and
then I rapidly put the condom on. When I tried, I couldn't quite
penetrate her and I quickly realized that it was because I had
lost part of my erection. She jerked me off a bit more, gave me
oral, but nothing worked. She was nice enough to say "hey don't
worry, next time we try it's gonna be perfect". But the whole
incident really freaked me out. She said that it was because I
was nervous but I knew the problem was most likely bigger then
that because I didn't feel nervous at all. I was really into it
and it felt great, up until that incident of course.
The next day, when she left I experimented. I tried by myself to
reach an erection, which took about 2 minutes, then I tried
putting on a condom just to see if I could sustain it afterwards
and, to my surprise, I couldn't. I realized 2 things. First that
I was probably the kind of guy who just doesn't like the feel of
a condom, and second that I was putting it on all wrong. Number
2 is no longer a problem, I bought a different type and figured
out a way to put them on that is more comfortable. But number 1
is still there. At this point I'm thinking, maybe it's a
combination of things. My erections aren't that good to begin
with, and having to use protection just makes it really
difficult for me to have sex.
So anyway, 2 days later we try a second time. We fool around at
first until she's ready to go, then she tries to jerk me off
and... nothing. Not even an erection that goes away afterwards,
nothing. That really scared me. At that point I knew that part
of the reason why it was worse then the first time was because I
was doing this to myself (the mental pressure of having to
produce an erection), but also that there was a physical problem
here as well. How significant I don't know, but it's there. The
thing is that I can masturbate to porn no problem. I even have
unprovoked erections from time to time, like when I wake up in
the morning or when I'm watching TV. I can not even be touching
myself, or very slightly, and I can have erections that I would
consider to be at 100%.
This is all very confusing. I don't know if there's something
physically wrong with me or not, or if it's just all in my head,
or if I'm the kind of guy who just doesn't like the feel of
condom to a degree that it makes sex extremely difficult. Maybe
a combination of two or more of these things. The end result is
still there though. The two times I tried it didn't work. And if
I try a third time and it still doesn't work, it's probably
going to make me feel even worse about the whole thing.
Am I gonna need medication to solve this problem? I thought
about using something, (viagra, cialis) to "break the ice", and
make me gain some confidence but then would I become dependent
on these things to have sex? This whole ordeal has been very
disturbing. Not being able to have sex because of this problem
and leaving her hanging like that, with the following feeling of
guilt that ensues, is the worst feeling in the world. It's
gotten to a point where I associate very negative emotions to
having sex with her and I don't even touch her or hug her
anymore. She's starting to wonder what's going on. I'm hoping
some of you will have answers for me.
Thanks for any help.
Answer:
To be honest with you, you have what they call erectile dysfunction. I am about
15 years older than you are. The same thing happened to me also at the age of
42. It never left me. Turn out I have no medical condition at all. All tests
reveal nothing wrong with me. You are stuck with this man. First of all, I
would suggest you see your doctor.But whether you have a medical condition or
not, you have ED. you're gonna be on viagra or the like for ever.
